Yet another day, and another person in my life who inspires me to write, write, write.
This mornings unplanned conversation at random was with a friend much younger than me. I met her when I lived in Chicago. I had sent her a quick drop in “hello” text as I was sipping my coffee, and that one liner set off a text-athon. This friend of mine is intelligent, fun, driven, healthy, and gorgeous. She has friends and family that lover her. She “has it all” so to speak. The problem is that right now her world is apparently looking a bit like a black hole rather than her oyster. She’s in that college is soon to end, and “I’m not like everyone else” place. The world around her is pushing her to “figure out” what she wants to do and who she wants to be for “the rest of her life.” God forbid students these days take a minute (say a Gap Year) or few months to breathe and think before they decide on the “rest” of their lives. My friend isn’t being unrealistic having fantasies of joining Ringling Brothers as the best ever trapeze girl, she just needs a little more time to get to know herself. I get all fired up when I hear that amazing “kids” think they’re broken or wrong because they don’t have a clear cut, definitive game plan to the rest of their days on earth.
Here we go.
What I told her:
Girllll…I hate to break it to you (and you are smart enough not to need my advice or thoughts) but you won’t figure out exactly what you want for the rest of your life. Ever. It’s impossible! People are like fruit, we grown and change every day. How in the hell are you supposed to know what you will want in 10 years? Are you the same exact person as you were 10 years ago? Sure you might have the same habits and quirks and personality traits, but you will never be exactly the same one year to the next – let alone in 10. You likely will enjoy similar things and people, continue to be good or better at the same things you spend your time practicing, and It’s very possible you might even love your favorite boots just the same, but most of the rest will change- trust me.
I’m near 35, and no genius- but I am someone who’s busted my ass, done a lot of shit (technical terms of course) in a LOT of places. I’ve observed humans from streets to dinner tables, in Maine to Montana and in The Cook Islands all the way to India. I’ve talked about, meditated on, practiced at, and written incessantly to find out “whats wrong with me?” too- and the answer is nothing. People will always try to fix you (like they have tried to fix me) – but YOU ARE NOT BROKEN! Life is not about doing or being ONE thing. It’s about the FEELINGS you want to feel every day and the PEOPLE you spend your time around and the THINGS that make you have fire inside to stay motivated and positive. There’s not one definitive answer you will find that will ever give you the ability to map out your perfect road of life. Anyone who tells you otherwise is either 1.) Crazy or 2.) Unrealistic and likely very imbalanced themselves.
Then she told me she has planned to go away alone for a week.
Awesome!
I continued:
Solo travel is the best way to clear your head, escape “the noise” and find your inner badass. It builds confidence and independence like nothing else. Most people are afraid to go away alone because they are afraid of what they will “see.” Good for you- you will love it! I can’t wait to hear about it when you get back.
Then we wrapped the conversation with a virtual high five and wahoo! Fly your freak flag loud and proud sister! You are just fine and perfectly normal actually.
Amazing. (Insert frustrating fist pumps in the air.)
I’ve had these conversations over and over again. They are always enlightening but simultaneously maddening, especially when a perfectly wonderful innocent much younger than I am person- who is one of those stand up people that are hard to come by and you would love at any time to be around because they are simply amazing- thinks there is something wrong with them because idiots who are suppressing their own thoughts and feelings are walking around judging and attacking on the streets of America. I want to find these people and choke (in the nicest possible choking way of course) every one of them. Particularly when these in my opinion idiots are “adults” old enough to know better.
Hey all you “adults” out there who are old enough to know better:
How about ENcouraging rather than DIScouraging? How about being supportive and accepting instead of disappointed? How about not bullshitting us about the realities of life? (Because we know better.) Have you looked around, or in the mirror lately while you tell us how we should be/live/think? Do you really like how you, yourself are being, living, thinking? That’s what we thought. We really wish you the best, but please stop barfing your own fears all over those of us who have worked our asses off not to have any because we have found there’s no reason to. We’re just trying to live happy and stay contributing non-toxic citizens thankyouverymuch.
To my sweet young friend who inspired this post today~
I am proud of you. Don’t ever question yourself for a second, you have heart, street smarts, drive, and integrity that most are to fearful to fully embody. You will always have a friend and supporter in me as long as you keep busting your ass to be true to yourself. I have not a doubt in my mind that everything you will do, precisely because of who you are– will be amazing.
~Your fellow freak of nature friend,
Diane
