May 31, 2009
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Until 6 months ago I thought I had it all figured out. I thought because I was close to my family and talked to them regularly and always said I love you, I never took them for granted. I thought I knew which people in my life mattered and which really loved and supported me. I thought I never took any of my friends for granted. I thought because I’m athletic, it meant I was totally healthy. Oh how I could go on about what I thought.
What a fool I was. How thankful I am that when the clock struck midnight and it turned 2009, life threw me some serious curve balls. Those curve balls have taught me the really hard way how much of a fool I was and how many things I have taken for granted.
I’m now truly proud of myself for the first time ever and this morning I woke up feeling happy for the first time in I don’t know how long. Man does that feel good. I wanted to share this to encourage anyone who might be feeling like they’re in the worst spot ever- to keep trucking. That and if you love or appreciate someone for whatever they are in your life, don’t let another day go by without telling them.
I have dragged my butt out of bed extra early every day these past curve ball months when I have sometimes felt like lying there all day. I have practiced and practiced and practiced and tried and tried and tried so damn hard at everything so many times feeling like I was getting absolutely nowhere. While the dragging my butt and practicing and trying has worked, the real reason I have learned and grown, is the love and support I have been lucky enough to have from so many of those people I sometimes took for granted. I know they’ve shown up for me during this time in my life even though I’ve made tons of mistakes in the past, because I’ve done one thing right; Always told them how much I love and appreciate them. (Even if I may have never really realized what that meant until now.)
See, when it all gets laid on the line and things get real, the good stuff happens. When you can be completely honest, look someone in the eyes that you really care about, tell them you think you have probably hurt them at times or taken them for granted, but you really do love them and they are important to you- that is greatness. That’s when friends that usually wouldn’t call but once a year, now call once a week to tell you they want to be better about being in your life too and you have those conversations with your little brother or Grandpa that you will never forget.
It seems funny to think that being real with yourself is so hard sometimes. Shouldn’t being real and honest be easy? It’s not, but when you do find that place or time in your life that being real is how you start to live- the rest feels like a walk in the park.
Thank you thank you thank you heartache and curve balls. Oh the things I have learned from you. Strong Mojo is back!
