January 5, 2010
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If you’re a regular follower or good friend, you probably read the eff-bomb rant I wrote and posted on Monday this week. I have almost 450 posts and have never deleted one, even when I have spilled my heart, ranted like a crazy person or babbled endlessly. I believe that you should own your thoughts and feelings and not regret them. If they are honest and truthful and for whatever reason someone can’t take it- oh well. If we all walked around all day trying to impress each other (oh wait, that’s right- a large percent of the population actually does that) we’d have heart attacks and croak by the age of 40.
But? By Monday night my instinct told me to delete that specific post. From the blog anyway. I saved it for myself. It was much too important and powerful for me to delete for good. I saved it in an email. If anyone out there cares to read the Eff-bomb Rant of 2010- please let me know and I will happily email it to you. Even though I absolutely own every “fuck” I wrote in the post, for whatever reason it felt good enough for me to just have on here for one day and that’s it.
You know, it never fails; every single time I write something here that might make me sound completely off my rocker, out-there, overly open, or offensive; PEOPLE COME OUT OF THE WORD WORK emailing, posting comments, calling me, etc. about themselves and their lives. It’s amazing. This tells me one thing and one thing only:
Every human walking this earth right now is holding something, holding back, not speaking up and every day it eats away a little piece of them. Most people hold this stuff in forever, some like me put it all out there on a daily basis with a kind of bizarre comfort that’s baffling and some just need one teeeeny crack in a door/opening somehow/somewhere and then they let it rip.
I say let it rip. Stop letting it eat away at you. We will listen.
Since writing this blog, strangers have (unsolicited) shared more with me than they’ve probably ever shared with their siblings, parents, wives or friends. It has been completely unexpected and an absolutely incredible gift to me. If by instead of screaming, crying or punching someone, I can use my little laptop and something called a blog to help me not become that someone holding things back that would eventually pick pick pick and eat away my soul and somehow it awakens, helps, or gives one single person some relatability for breathing room and a feeling of normalcy in their life- maybe this is the only thing I was put on this planet to do.
I’m good with that.
After reading my eff-bomb rant, one person who used to work for me wrote that she wanted me to know that I was an inspiration to her. (So awesome. Smiling. To think that no one is ever watching…) Another person, a gent who was married for many years, now separated with a child. He was in a marriage with a most selfish and unappreciative wife who still constantly yells at him in front of their child- finally stood up to his ex and essentially told her to shut up. After years of yelling. Because of me, or inspired by me? (Awesome times two. Smiling even bigger.)
Eff-bombs? Sometimes necessary. Honesty? Always necessary.
Thanks C and G. Keep letting it rip.
