our favorite coach

First part of this trip was east coast, big city, people I know and of staying in comfy apartments, houses, cottages. With that came “fancy” travel of showers everyday, “no- I am paying for dinner and drinks, this is my donation to your trip!”, time with people I love and good conversation filled with encouragement, advice, and brainstorming on possibilities of where to move after Alaska and how to reach my next goals in life. It’s been much needed, much fun, and exactly what I needed for a push for the next phase of my trip:

Back to my unsalted peanuts, apples and granola instead of steak, pasta and home-cooked meals. Showers will be sporadic, sleeping in the car, or not at all for a day or two is in my near future, along with lots of time with strangers instead of people I know, and only and sights of mountains, valleys and much fewer humans instead of the thousands and skyscrapers I’ve just been around. The no-mans land and less-populated space I’m going into will be the perfect place for me to ring in my 32nd birthday, reflect on the past 16 years of my life, and think of what I want the next 16 to be. This leads me to my story of Traci and why I went to NYC before leaving the east coast:

When I was in NYC, I met and spent time with my old soccer coach Traci who I hadn’t seen since my friends funerals in 1994. There was no real reason we had fallen out of touch, or not seen each other in all those years. Lives move in different directions and time flies. Sometimes when you go through a horrible tragedy with someone, you almost don’t know how to face it/them until years later either. That and it feels impossible to understand why terrible things happen, what it will mean to you, or what kind of impact it will have on your life until long after the instance. (At least this is my experience.) I found Traci last year and was ready to email her out of the blue. When she returned my email signing off 16 years later with; “Much love and strong mojo” I knew in an instant that 8/18/1994 had indeed changed her life forever as it did mine. Before every game so many years ago, our coach Traci, all my teammates and I would scream “STRONG MOJO!” in the circle before games started. It was our thing, our motto, how we all were together as powerful young women. Traci had taught us that strong mojo was team work, ambition, being who and what we wanted, enjoying our time together and appreciating life. It was about being proud, honest, confident and having integrity.

My day in NY with Traci was a flood of emotions. (For the both of us.) I’ve been open and free on talking about my deceased friends in hopes to share their spirit and continue their legacy. This is so important to me. As much as words and stories have and will continue to roll out of me, it’s still difficult to constantly revisit the way my heart snapped in half after getting that phone call at 3:56am and hearing the words “They are gone.” (Now I am officially crying in a busy coffee shop as I type this. Sheesh!) Spending time with Traci catching up on 16 years, meeting her amazing and adorable little family, learning about her life and sharing about mine, was exactly the therapy, time, and strong mojo I needed for this trip. 3 weeks from today as I take the death anniversary day to think about 16 years without our friends, Traci and the rest of the MAU soccer girls will be doing the same wherever they are. Every August 18th will be the same for all of us for the rest of our lives.

So to the stranger Steve Hampton that I don’t know who left comments accusing that I was a fraud and that I’m on some gluttonous partying trip, you have got to be kidding me. You claim to be a follower? Really? Have you read over 600 posts and 2 years of my work here? Did you just read the first part of this blog post? Have you read other hundreds of post inclusive of personal information about me, my family, and my life I have written in an attempt to learn about myself, try to be a better human and potentially inspire others to live their own truths and be proud of themselves with all good and bad parts and issues we all have? Could you consider that even though I am wide open and probably seem careless and free about so much of life, that it’s still difficult for me to constantly air the dirtiest of my laundry? Do you think I’d make up stories about my dead best friends to get cross-country wasted and get strangers to finance a cool fun road trip? I understand that putting my life on the world wide web opens all doors for judgement. That’s to be expected. I felt hurt and pissed off thinking about your comments initially. Those feelings faded fast after thinking of the Traci’s of the world who love and really know me. Because of the people who love me, I take your negative hateful comments not in a negative way but as a lesson. Sometimes people will judge, and not everyone will like me. That’s Ok. I know who I am, I like who I am, and enough people out there know what this trip is about and what Blue Lollipop Road stands for. That’s all I need. I’d encourage you to find your Traci, your Maria and Brandy, something or someone that means everything to you. Share those things with others in a positive way. Find things that make you happy. I promise it will make you feel so much better than being judgemental and jealous of me.

Dear Traci~

Thank you for our time in NY, and time all those years ago. Thank you for teaching me strong mojo. Your gifts have given me love, support and confidence all these years, I’m able to take negativity and criticism like comments from a reader here with a grain of salt. I keep believing in myself because of people like you. Thank you for loving all of us like you did and still do. We love you too. You will always be our favorite coach, our big sister, our mentor and our hero. I feel proud to be in the mix of all the young people you continue to positively influence. I look forward to seeing you soon and never want to wait 16 years again!

Much love and strong mojo always-
Diane 🙂