omigosh

I just got my first direct comment from a stranger who watched my 16/16 video at YouTube that read:

“I love this video. Thanks for posting.”

Ok, now I know this might not seem like a big deal as I’ve made connections with lots of new people on the road and have had numerous communications with you all through here, Facebook, Twitter, etc. but this particular comment from just now is huge to me. Kind of like after blood sweat and tears the diner owner gets the doors of his dream shop open, on day 1 sells out of bacon and eggs and he tapes the first dollar bill he earns proudly to the wall near the cash register.

I sat all morning this morning in my regular look at my always scraping bank account and enormous debt. Where do I move/go from here, how can I reach more people with Blue Lollipop Road, how can I extend my hand to others as they have to me and what?! -did that guy at the auto shop told me I need 2 new tires for the back of my car? Then moments of normal frustration come knocking in my head; This is nuts Diane, will you just go get a job and who cares what it is. You just need $. You must be dreaming to think you can somehow afford to continue on this journey, encouraging others to find their “roads” and doing what you believe in.

Then I feel peeved at myself for not doing more, faster, better, smarter- so I go for a run.

(I swear since I really started to run at 17 years old it has totally saved my life.) So out I went to think think think and pound the pavement. Sometimes I think so hard and lose myself so much I fall flat on my face, or knees or shoulder. Literally. I have 2 big ol’ scars from June on my right knee from on of those overly thoughtful runs. The more often that not “What am I doing/What’s the best thing to do?” run ended with me feeling a little less stressed. I open my computer and there’s that one little line, from someone out there who I will probably never meet, appreciating a few minutes of video, I drove thousands of miles to make because my heart and soul believed in what I was doing.

I feel a bit stressed everyday, I always have, I question myself all too much, I have piles of debt I need to pay and I need to find a home. These things and more are what can freeze any of us in fear, frustration and resentment. These things often keep a lot of us in that frozen state forever. They can also overshadow the most important things like the generosity of strangers, thankfulness for health, friends and family and hope for all things possible. Even though I almost want to shake my fist in the air, look ahead as if a person was standing there so I can scream damn you! Just when I start thinking about throwing in my towel and join the rest of the crowd (it seems like it’d be a lot easier sometimes.) you send a little birdie with a message to say keep on truckin’ girl- you’re on the right track. Argh!

Todays appreciation from someone I don’t know helps to solidify all I have worked so hard to do and why I’m doing it. It tells me I have to keep going.

Thanks Monolith. I don’t want to give this all up. I want to continue this path that feels right, screams to me everyday and find out where it’s going. Everything in my body tells me it’s leading to something remarkable. Your one liner just fueled me up for more trucking so up the hills I go!