Crying In Starbucks

The reality is, this is true and this is my life right now. Sure I have other things going and believe me I am one of those people who has an aspiration list a mile and half long that I am constantly trying to check off. Right now I really am a waitress at a beach joint that serves burgers and beers. This has nothing to do with the economy and and a job I “had to take”, but everything to do with the choices I have made and where my life is right now. And that is OK.

I have lived my life as a giant race, like so many- to be bigger, faster and better. I have stressed myself out, ticked people off, been exhausted for years and lost people I love. (In addition to having some incredible adventures. laughs and love of course.) Thankfully now at 30 and not 60, I have realized that I have been racing against myself at a pace that is too much of an ideal and unrealistic. I don’t want to race any more. I just want to serve some burgers at a place called Two Guys Grill and hit the beach on a sunny day off. I am finally accepting that this is enough for now.

I know I will accomplish whatever goals I have simply because I “show up” and try. I get up early, do at least one thing a day to learn something and try my best to be good to others. I will screw up, I am sure I’ll always have to “check” myself and I will never be perfect. The difference between today and yesterday is that I am finally starting to really own that I can make mistakes. None of us need to rule the world and it really is OK where we all are today.

Balance and life is a work in progress that never ends. It’s hard as hell, but pretty awesome. Sometimes you tear up in Starbucks or wherever at random. I have been doing that a lot lately. They are never sad tears, but learning tears (and those I have found- are the hardest but best ones.) 

I am off to Two Guys to sling those burgers and just take it all for what it’s worth.

🙂