adventures in humans

adventures in humans

I try not to do this, but I just can’t help it today. Mostly because this has happened twice within a week and on the most extreme level, so I must share…

We all know the scene; “that guy” in the coffee shop. The one just-a-chattin’ away on his cell phone for 20 minutes straight as if he’s in his private office. Not a care in the world, and completely clueless about anything and everything around him.

I’ve come to know “that guy” very well over the years on the road and now in my home base city hopping from coffee shop to coffee shop as my office so often. Once every few weeks there’s a real doozy “that guy” who babbles so loudly on his phone that everyone around him can’t help but to give that evil – ummm, can you PLEASE shut up?! stare. Usually it is kind of funny and entertaining, and I giggle a little or shrug it off thinking, I’m might not be perfect at a lot of things, but at least I’m not THAT guy! 

Yes, I usually just shake my head and laugh, wondering how “that guy”‘s mom didn’t teach him to know better. I’m pretty numb to “that guy” as he seems to be a regular no matter what state I’m in. I do my best to ignore and type away on my computer. This past week however, there was no ignoring. “That guy”- two of them, have been real pieces of work.

This particular Starbucks, one I never come to, I happen to be at today for the second time in 7 days. They must have a sign I missed out front that reads:

Enter here, circus show screamers! Step right up! No rules here! Yell on the phone for an hour about your company sales team! Talk to your coworker at a screech level that reminds us of that scene in in the movie Teen Wolf when Michael J. Fox can hear the dog whistle piercing in his ear! Take your mangled stinky sneakers off and hang out like you’re in your living room! Anything goes! Welcome to the freak show! 

I’m not joking or exaggerating when I say that last week, after a full HOUR of “that guy” in a suit sitting next to me, absolutely screaming (like someone call the police screaming because there must be something wrong screaming) – I could’t take it anymore and had to lean over with a Excuse me sir, um, could you just like- stop, please? You are unbelievably loud. I honestly was so dumbfounded I didn’t even know what to say, and I’m rarely at a loss for words.

He apologized, still on his call, then simply turned to the wall and kept scream-talking!


The fact that Ashton Kutcher didn’t jump out of a plant and tell me I was Punk’d, still baffles me.

And then there’s today.

There sits a man across from me (no shame, straight up in his UPS uniform I might add) who was for his entire stay, talking at about that same scream talk level as the previous guy on one phone, while texting on another. Lunch/lunch bag spread out on the table, full-on lounging like he owned the place, and just chilling out with his shoes off. Nice Gold Toe UPS browns, buddy.

Did I mention he had sunglasses on too? Of course he did. You always need sunglasses sitting inside at a table for an hour. That brought my scene on a full-circle crazy train loop.

No shame UPS

Clueless UPS

I love talking. I love noise. I love animated characters. I love when humans let their freak flags fly. Do I care if people are chatty around me? No. Do I think there should be a SHHH!!! Silence please! This is Starbucks! rule? No. Do I kind of enjoy that life so often feels like I’m in an episode of Candid Camera? Yes. But, still- peeps…can we open up our eyes a little, pretty please? 🙂

A part of me appreciates anyone who lives in this kind of level of la la land. It must be fun there! And I suppose I wouldn’t have funny things to write about if adults didn’t misbehave so much.

Thanks “that guy!” You make chatty, no filter, sassafras girls like me, look so quiet and demure.

#ThePeopleAtStarbucks #EverydayAdventure #NeverADullMoment

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