It’s 2:20am

Again. 

This has become a thing for me recently. I wake up at around 2am, usually toss and turn for a good few hours, my mind starts racing and I just can’t fall asleep again until it’s about time to get up. I can’t say I’m surprised that last night after sitting in silence for 6 hours alone on my couch just thinking, writing and laying it all out there in my last post- I slept like a newborn baby after a feeding or someone that had been drugged. Ahhh…it was incredible. My peaceful and deep sleep then lead to a bouncier than normal morning run, a productive and fulfilling day at work, then extra-enjoyable night catching up with a friend over dinner and glass of wine. Funny the sense of freedom and energy that rushes in after telling the complete truth and just letting all control go. It’s too bad I was so scared to tip the scales to that final stretch before. Good things is now that I am that cat out of the bag and I’m never getting back in. 

***I’ve gotten a bunch of feedback about that enormous post. People don’t always post comments here as much as contacting me directly. This would probably be a good place for me to insert that I am thankful and love the direct contact and comments from you all, but I’d much prefer and really love it if you’d post here instead of writing me directly. I am all about sharing with everyone!***

My Embrace The Suck novel represents a significant turning point, or maybe I should say new beginning point in my life that I have needed. This whole personal blogging thing has been just that. Me using a channel, a place like the world wide web to learn during those times I think I am going crazy or “the only one”- that there are a significant amount of people out there just like me trying to figure it all out and grow up. 

Since the start of my writing over a year and a half ago here, I’ve thought a million times; Um did I just air all my dirty laundry on the internet for anyone to read?-Maybe I should delete that. What if so and so’s parents see this?-Maybe I should delete that. I wonder what the people at the office will think?- Maybe I should delete that. Will my friends think I’m a nutcase and will this make boys run away?-Maybe I should delete that. (I am laughing now as I type. Oh the fear fear fear.) Something has kept me from back spacing all this time and I am so glad for that. It’s probably that sense of freedom, like I’m getting out of jail every time I press the “PUBLISH POST” button. That freedom feels like I can push the weight of the world off myself for at least one minute. 

In closing so I can try to get some sleep, the best thing about airing the dirtiest of my laundry to the entire world is that it quickly welcomes the like-minded, no bull, genuine people into my life (the ones that I want) and weeds out the fakers and scaredy-cats. I’m finally smart enough to know that my time is much too precious to waste on the fake and scared so let my laundry continue to air, air, air…