HAPPY BIRTHDAY

How funny that I am sitting in Starbucks now writing this.

Today Blue Lollipop Road turns 1. Looking back at this year, I can’t help but think that if someone had told what this year was going to be- I wouldn’t have believed them for all the money in the world. Wow. 

I often talk about the ride” of life and madness of it all. I get that I am the kind of person to sometimes make the ride a bit zanier than it has to be. I just can’t help it. If there’s one thing this past year and being able to babble my thoughts here has offered me, it’s the lesson that we are what we are. Some things just never change about us each as individuals. We learn and grow some during the cycle of life. It’s human nature, but there are some core things inside of us that no matter how hard we try to avoid and or run away from, always stay. This is a good thing. It’s what makes the world this never ending beauty that is unexplainable and perfect. 

I am 31 years old. I’ve lived far away from where I grew up for 13 years. I grew up in the country in the tiniest of towns in a place where often people are lifers. My father built the house he and mom still live in when he was 18. (Yes, I know- that is wild.) Most of their neighbors have been there equal amounts of years or longer than them. One of these includes the only dentist I went to through all my years growing up. I haven’t seen Dr. B in years. Since I left the hood I have traveled around the world and back, moved 6,987,435,876 times, had 8,593,9826 jobs, relationships and good times and bad. As far as I know he doesn’t know about any of them other than the assumed occasional small town chatter like; “Did you know Duane and Ann’s daughter is living, doing, such and such these days?” Even though I haven’t seen him in years, and I could never begin to catch him up on the stories and experiences I have during that time, somehow the following is what he said just yesterday to my mother when she was getting her teeth cleaned:

“With Diane, it might be hard to hang on but it sure would be one hell of a ride.”

My Mother sent me this in an email and it was the first thing I read this morning when I opened my eyes. 

What complete and perfect timing for this post. The dentist who cleaned my first tooth ever said this yesterday to my mom after years and years of not seeing me. It’s the same thing people would say today and have for years. It’s official; I am me and that’s that. Clearly it’s just never going to change. Instead of any more trying to change who I am, after this year I can finally own who I am am. It’s an incredible relief after years of trying to find and fit myself into something else, when what I needed to be I have been all along.

I don’t think it gets any better than finding people in life who know exactly who you are and still want to hang on for “one hell of a ride.” On the other end, it is equally as incredible and rewarding to be the kind of person who can hang on to someone else’s “hell of a ride.” That to me on both ends is true friendship and true love. 

Here’s to true friendship and true love:

Happy Birthday Blue Lollipop Road. You have been one hell of a ride. You have saved me. You have let me be me. You have given me a place to come during times when nothing else was safe or felt good. You have been my heart and soul. Most importantly you have turned out to be exactly who I wanted you to be; Truth, honesty and a place to find myself.

Dear M and B, 

While I haven’t seen you for lots of years and lots of days, you are my spirit and I can feel yours. I am always hanging on to you for the one hell of a ride. I can feel you hanging on to mine too. Thank you for the true friendship, true love and for giving me this incredible gift.