Cheesy as it may be, I am so Jerry McGuire in this scene. I guess it’s just taken me a few years past 35 to write my mission statement. I’m not waiting any longer. I’m not afraid of getting fired.
Once or twice a year when I get SUPER pissed at myself for not writing more, and truly focusing on what I love, this scene pops in my head. Usually I get all fired up, start typing away, get a couple hours into the soap box space I feel so at home in, and then ding goes the phone or email when someone in my life needs something, and off to the archives of drafts, my passionate posts have gone…while my sweet little soul suffers, once again failing at first living for myself.
This week I had a tipping point moment, standing at an event with some very good friends who know me well and support every bit of me in anything and everything I do and want to do. I had one of the most gut punching moments of my professional life. I felt an enormous furry of anger, sadness, and frustration…and knew it was completely my own damn fault. As we were being introduced around the dreaded and what do you do? circle, every one of them owned and articulated what they “did” perfectly, and then as I described what I did, and they all piped in with their kindness about how good I was at X,Y,Z (which is true, because I have busted my ass to be good at what I’ve been doing to make a living), I couldn’t help but think:
WHAT I’M TELLING THESE PEOPLE AND WHAT THEY KNOW OF ME WORK WISE IS NOT WHAT I WANT TO DO OR WHO I REALLY AM!
…AM I DOING?!
How could even my closest friends not describe me/what I really do?! Because I haven’t been owning and presenting it out to the world, myself.
I’m a writer who hasn’t kept my butt in the seat. I’m a storyteller who hasn’t been sharing enough of her stories. I’ve gotten seriously sidetracked. Whenany client at any time asks me to fix a problem, or wants help running their lives better, I drop everything to jump all over the task, then forget about my own. It’s possible to have healthier balance. I know better, we all do!
I stood at that event and wanted to punch someone in the face: MYSELF! No more blogs unposted, books unwritten, or life experience teachings untaught, I said to myself. I haven’t slept on couches, in my car, and traveled the world for the past 25 years talking to, learning from, loving a zillion interesting amazing humans losing some of them along the way, just to keep all the truths and perspective I’ve learned to myself.
Gas up the car! We have officially started driving down this Blue Lollipop Road together. Hang on tight, because I’ll be sharing the things we think, but do not say. It’s going to be one hell of a ride.
If you’re out there getting sidetracked yourself, might I suggest you make a big ol’ pivot and get your butt back in the seat? None of us are truly helping anyone else unless we’re helping ourselves first.
Tonight I’m having dinner with some of my home base gal pals. A few of my besties/girl tribe/bishes/(insert whatever ridiculous or funny name you call your peeps here.) These are ladies in my life who make up just a small portion of badass women who know my crap, call me out when I need it, and who make me laugh until both my face and stomach hurt. I like to refer to some of our antics as complete jackassery, but really our gatherings are pretty tame; food, drink, and conversation about any and everything- no judgments, secrets, or bs, just love, support, and fun, while lots of hours fly by.
Lucky me to have these people.
We will be celebrating my birthday a week late, because last Tuesday (on my actual birthday), I was playing around at Glacier National Park:
That trip was a gift from another set of ladies who mean the world to me, my BLR Play It Forward alumni crew. They gifted me a “travel scholarship” at our annual event in July. These ladies thanked me for providing travel scholarships to students in our home town during our first 5 events, and this was their give back to me. In reality, they are the very reason I’ve been able to pull off making Play It Forward a thing all these years.
Lucky me to have had time I did with her, even if it was far too short.
I will celebrate tonight with and for girls I can, and cannot see. I will celebrate tomorrow the same. (And with guys too!) I will continue to celebrate everyday. I will never apologize for laughing too loud, having too much fun. I won’t be worried about telling someone I love them, even if there are a lot of “them” (as in, people- that probably includes many of you reading this), because life is only so long, and the one thing I know for sure is that there’s no reason to wait…or to be afraid.
I hope you will raise a glass of any kind tonight, too with/for yourself, or with the good people around you, celebrating the luck in every healthy minute you have.
I’m on the last leg of a long birthday weekend adventure. Delta was my flight brand this go around, and I’m pleased to share I’ve had an atypical flying experience this time; a pleasant one! The past few years have been met with a lot of bizarre rude humans and all too often, not so smiley airline staff, but all the Delta employees during my there and now almost back trek have been above and beyond friendly, helpful, and actually seem like they love their jobs.
None of us can beat Father Time, not even those of us with good looks, charm, buckets of money, or who are strong as an ox. While this mighty beast of a timekeeper has full control, holding his finger on the button that decides whether we are here or gone, the one thing he cannot control is what we do with the minutes we’re gifted.
Don’t wait. There’s never the perfect or right time for anything in this crazy life. The time is now. Make a toast to honor yourself in this new year, and continue to toast to every day.
It’s Sunday morning, May 15th and I just had a much needed long slumber after a busy week. I woke up missing some people I love, some living and some not. This is an everyday thing for me. In the quiet, all snuggled up in my fleece blanket staring at the blue sky out the window I thought for the gazillionth time how strange it is to consistently feel so happy, excited, and lucky, and yet so heavy-hearted, too.
As I sipped my coffee, I texted a few friends about this book, just published. My sweet friend Sam wrote it. This was a huge dream of his, and how I wish he was here to hold the actual printed version in his hands.
This time of year is my favorite; Warm temperatures, lots of exciting summer plans to be outside in the fresh air and sun, BLR Play It Forward is coming soon, and of course, commencement speeches. I never went to college, so I’ve only experienced commencement speeches online or at some else’s graduation. I wish these kinds of speeches happened all year around, and not just at universities during graduation month. I dig inspirational messages from people who’ve pushed through a bit of life’s minefield keeping a hard-earned smile, and then share their lessons.
I got a phone notification this morning as I was snuggled up, about Sheryl Sandberg’s Commencement Speech at UC Berkeley. She talks about grief, loss, and what she learned in death. Well worth the 26 minute watch:
My favorite parts are at around the 9:45 and 18:45 marks and towards the end when she says “Now I celebrate always.”
My Blue Lollipop Road mantra has always been to live simple. That “stuff” doesn’t matter…people and time do. Our theme for Play It Forward is Remember. Celebrate. Live; Remember where you came from, celebrate memories and what you have, and live like today is the day- don’t wait.
I know like Sheryl and many of you, I will wake up tomorrow still missing. I will always miss someone, a hug or holding that hand. I will always miss seeing some certain smiling faces or a laugh I remember that always felt so good to be around. I will also wake up tomorrow celebrating, because no matter what we’ve been through, we’ve got to keep kicking the shit out of option B. I hope all of us continue to love hard and leave it all on the field.
If there were only 11 more days left…what would you do?