November 12, 2010
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Life is one big fat adventure right? You never know what’s going to pop up and say “OOH! Pick me!”-or when you will hear nothing but silence. As one of my readers commented recently “It’s always feast or famine with you isn’t it Diane?”
That makes me giggle.
Well, I suppose so. I choose to think of “it” as one big ol’ feast though. There’s never been famine in my life. I’m constantly feasting on experiences, mistakes, food, people, places, opportunity and so much more. Some think I’m crazy, some think I’m great, some think I’m an immature fool. I’m just happy being me. I’ve tried to be other people. It never works.
In a moment of frustration some weeks ago with my schizophrenic decision process of should I stay (in California) or should I go now and trying to manage the advice and input of way too many people, (even though I have known what I wanted to do since leaving NYC in July), I told my Mother on the phone that I know I might infuriate some people all to hell, I know I might make lots of mistakes or look like a nutcase sometimes, but I’m just living my truth. I can guarantee if my funeral was tomorrow not one single person would feel a bit sorry for me. People know that I have LIVED. I know I have LIVED. That makes me happy.
Her best Mom ever and agreeing response; “That’s right darlin’.”
Learning about who you really are, accepting who you are and feeling fully confident about it is no easy task. I work on it every day. I’d like to say I feel a bit wiser or confident because of my age (you know, all that “when you get to a certain age” stuff) but I really think that my drive to Alaska this summer and time here in California this fall, in a whopping total of 4 months- have shown me more of who I am and what I know for sure than the previous almost 32 years of my life have. I’m still trying to wrap my brain around this. I’t been a surprising but welcomed discovery.
A couple of these “know for sure” things:
1.) When you have a burn to do something, a thought or thing that wont go away- you’re a fool if you don’t do it. Not to get all Field of Dreams on everyone here, but for real?- If you build it, try it, go for it- it will come. You MUST trust your gut and your instincts. You simply cannot fail if you put your true heart and soul into something.
2.) It’s pretty safe to say, you will always flop, fail, be unhappy, and have regrets in if you don’t trust your gut and your instincts; With every choice you make.
Saying this, my journey continues as originally planned- back east in a few weeks. The total bummer of this story is that In a miniscule amount of time at a job I have had in California, I have 100% fallen in love with the crew of people I work with. I hope they will be my friends forever. A crew like mine here are a rare find and not an easy one to leave, but instinct- all that heart gut, and opportunity tell me east right now so that’s the direction the little Civic that could will go. So? I wrap up a most lovely harvest fall season working in Napa Valley wine, and never forget my time here. I will think of this experience and these people any time I question my decisions. Most doubt quickly fades when I’m reminded that I’m making my decisions based on the most important things.
Thank you to all who have stuck by me as friends, family and followers during the “rat race” (as my Mother has lovingly called it since submitting a few words and a baby photo to the yearbook my senior year in high school.) You know I don’t forget people. I love you for loving me.
Let the race continue…
***Most importantly for today: THANK YOU TO ALL MILITARY MEN AND WOMEN. Special shout out to my friends Andrew and Alex. Hats off a million times over.
