March 23, 2010
In
Random babble
Yep. This is about me and my day today. All complete truth and play by play. I decided to write it in a fun way like my own little movie:)
And scene…
She’s cranking out work feeling like a million bucks after a very early morning run and up and atem smile to start a new day. Life is good. She love’s her job, family, friends, hobbies. She’s just come off a girls weekend (see below) like you read about- so much fun she’s still flying high. She’s just finished a conversation about weekend plans and she’s getting excited for those already even though it’s only Tuesday. Out of nowhere she happens to run into something totally random and in a split second 6 million little pieces of something from her past fit together, and not in a good way.
Enter that feeling that 50 people have just taken their shoes off and smashed you in the face with them.
She realizes, sitting there happily alone in that chair at Starbucks cranking out that work and about to pack up and get into the office that indeed her ex fiance’ had been cheating on her.
Fuckface!- she thinks to herself. Then, hmmm- I don’t much think about this person from long ago, If I have moved on, if I’m busy doing 100 other things just now, how the hell is it that this was the day those 6 million pieces popped in my head to make sense of something that I was wasn’t even looking to make sense of?
Ahhh, yes of course. Like it or not the truth always shows up, and at random, whenever the hell it wants to- even if it’s a hundred years later.
First she feels rage, then she wants to cry. She wonders why if it’s been so long and she wants nothing to do with this person anymore, if life has moved on and there’s even been another romantic relationship in between why she’d feel anything at all. She then realizes being made a fool of is humiliating. She’s horrified to think it’s possible for someone to sleep at night after they’ve looked into someone else’s eyes swearing up and down about certain things and defending x,y,z. How can anyone just bold-face, flat out lie?
Maybe she could’ve avoided that nightmare she had lived; months of sleepless nights and no appetite, the buckets of tears, the lost, hopeless, confused, insecure feelings of “what could I have done so bad/wrong?” and “How could I have been better?” Then- “To think I almost hit the point where I didn’t believe in anything anymore- all because of one deceitful shmuck.?!” Argh!!!
She sits for a few minutes, shaking her head thinking; What a piece of shit.
Enter simultaneous vision silver lining, flash to what’s now, real, true and today; March 23, 2010. While she has another moment of feeling pissed off and like the world’s biggest idiot for letting herself get hosed, she realizes she had probably actually been in denial the whole time not seeing the forest through the trees anyway. What she can see now is how hard she’s fought and fought and busted 66 asses to get where she is, she has a bagillion things to be thankful for and look forward to. She feels a furry of all the good (friends, love, lessons, vision, etc.) that ended up coming from that past nightmare she lived and a peaceful feeling rushes in along with a coy smile spreading across her face. Oh the places she will go she thinks, and this just more fuel to feed the good fire. She feels immense pride knowing she will never disrespect another human in the way she has been.
…and scene.
Dearest Craig,
From this day forward I will see you only as a first-class piece of shit. I feel sorry for anyone else you include in the path of your destruction. I am so very thankful for you dumping me when you did so I could be free to someday happen upon a guy who is not a piece of shit.
Even though you are an enormous asshole, I’d still like to be nice and offer you a friendly piece of advice:
Watch your back. See, karma is a bitch and it always comes around to bite you in the ass. Enjoy trying to avoid that one. I’d start running now if I were you.
Yours truly,
Diane 🙂
***Ahhh, freedom of speech is incredible.
