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January 11, 2010 In Uncategorized

Dear Anonymous,

Thanks for posting a comment in regards to my eff-boming and throwing in an eff-bomb of your own. It’s a splendid treat for me when people post comments here. 

You said you “wish you had the balls to live by some of those f*cks.” Well, even though you posted anonymously, you actually posted which indicates to me you probably in fact have those balls- you just haven’t found them to the extent you need to yet. It’s Ok. You’ll know when it’s time. I have a feeling it’s soon for you. It’s all so much easier than we think. The fear stops us. See the reality is that when you ask yourself; What’s the worst that could happen? Chances are the “worst” isn’t even be that bad. 
Pigs can fly, recessions can happen, life will ebb and flow and the world is always changing. One thing that will always remain the same is that if you’re honest and live true, are considerate and simply try- the people who are good for you will stick around. The ones who run away? Yeah- you didn’t need them anyway.
Thanks again for posting. Keep them coming. I’m more than happy to lend an ear if you ever need one again. Good luck!
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January 9, 2010 In Uncategorized

Ribbit Ribbit

Check this company out; FROGBOX. These guys are helping to reduce waste and make your move easy. You can rent these great eco-friendly boxes (that are totally affordable) and help save the frogs too! FROGBOX donates 1% of gross revenues to frog habitat restoration. Yay!

I love love love finding companies that have created ways to help people, do the right thing for the environment and make a living from it. How cool. This stuff makes me so happy.
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January 9, 2010 In Uncategorized

Watch One Thing. Find Another

I was working late the other night and had TV on for back ground noise. I came upon Doc Hollywood. Old-school Michael J. Fox. What a cute movie and a random place to learn of this John Muir quote that I think is fantastic:

“Most people are on the world, not in it.” (The first part was the actual line from the movie, but I found the quote goes on to say; “- having no conscious sympathy or relationship to anything about them- undiffused, separate, and rigidly alone like marbles of polished stone, touching but separate. “
So true.
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January 7, 2010 In Uncategorized

Putting My Big Girl Pants Back On

Below on a previous post you can see where I wrote about taking off my Eff-bomb rant the other day. While I have felt like a million bucks since writing it, I had a momentary lapse of chicken-shit and took it off. 

***By the way I’d like to note here that ever since the moment I pressed “publish” on that post, just three days ago- it’s like I went from driving a rusty 1973 Ford Escort with three tires to a 2010 super-speedster Jag or something. I mean I feel like a new human and am so not exaggerating. Sure, we all get pretty peeved sometimes, go through being bummed and down for a month here and there, run an extra 5 miles to get frustrations out- whatever, but clearly for some, it takes really hitting the boiling point; throwing off the gloves, ripping up one side and down the other of something, screaming out loud like a person from an asylum or writing with a rage and frustration that could move a mountain to get it all out and call a start over.***
I realize just three days later that my Eff-bomb post was all about me needing to get to that boiling point I hadn’t gotten to yet. 
After I offered up “If you’d like to read it I will email it to you” – a few people asked me to email it to them and I did. Then ding-dong a text on my phone from one of the people who has called me out before (love that) saying; “Just read your email. Boy I bet you felt great after writing that! Now why don’t you put your big girl pants back on and put it back on the blog.”
Damn I love that guy. He’s so right. 
Thanks F. Here’s the post back up full monty. This one is dedicated to you because while 49 states are great, there’s still one out there and so much more after that. 
Yeah baby!
…Originally written Monday January 4, 2010:

I’m officially throwing an eff-bomb. A whole bunch of them actually.
I try to control my potty mouth most days. This is not one of those days. The one thing I have never done (as far as I can remember) on this blog is actually written the word fuck. Never thought I actually would want or need to, but today it’s time.

Before I go on my fuck rant, please know that no- I am absolutely not suicidal, I am not sad, depressed, I am not without hope or ambition, I’m not about to go postal and walk into some building and start shooting people. (I’m sure I could think of a few people It’d feel good for 1 minute to smack, but smacking people isn’t nice and it doesn’t set a good example so I don’t do things like that.) Yes, I still believe in everything. I know I can be and do whatever the hell I want at any moment I want and I will always be the only only scared-ass chicken shit that stands in my own way. I know I don’t have to do anything. The only reason I feel the way I do on this very day is a culmination of probably a good 2 years of me following rules of bullshit “shoulds.” I fell off the bandwagon. I used to not give a flip what anyone thought- and I just went for it all. I somehow lost my mojo and started running with the crowd. UGH. This has resulted in far too many debacles and much too much misery than I care to rehash in a crash and burn of essentially my entire existence these past couple years. By some stroke of absolute miracle, I still remain upbeat, positive, and can laugh and love like few can. I still know I’m bad-ass and will kick ass and take names. For some reason, I can take a life beating, beat myself up, and still believe, get, do and be things that most people just dream about. This does not mean big and fancy things or that I am some ruler of cool, it just means that I am capable of opening my eyes, looking around and saying; “What’s that? You hate our life? You’d give it all up in a second for X,Y,Z? Huh? Really? Wow, well- you can go ahead and force yourself to keep going down that road for some reason that you can’t explain, or because you think you have to- that’s just not good enough for me and it never will be.”
2 years off the bandwagon is far too much for me. I’m done. I am now driving the bandwagon again. I own that shit.
I’m calling a big fat fuck it and try again.
If I have to be called or thought of as crazy, unrealistic, immature to be happy and follow my heart and do things I know are the right things to do- that’s ok with me. If I lose jobs, family, friends, boyfriends, possessions because I go against the grain or chose to speak up, not do what other people do or ask questions that people don’t want to hear- that’s ok with me. Clearly those lost things would not be meant to be, or ever be able to handle living truthfully-like I want to, so that’s ok.
I know it’s possible to show my ass to the world and have people stick around, even if they do think I’m a little off kilter. The majority of those stick-arounders actually praise and love me because I am just the way I am. They wouldn’t want me any other way. I have a few key very supportive and amazing friends and an absolutely incredible family to which I thank my lucky stars have encouraged me and believed in me since day 1. They love me for my will, my heart, my energy and my outlook and that is friggin awesome…
…and precisely the reason I feel comfortable writing the following:

*FUCK PEOPLE WHO ARE MISERABLE FOR THE SAKE OF BEING MISERABLE
*FUCK PEOPLE WHO ARE NEGATIVE
*FUCK NOT DOING WHAT YOU LOVE 
*FUCK NOT BEING AROUND WHO AND WHAT YOU LOVE
*FUCK BEING SCARED
*FUCK DOING THINGS IF THERE’S NO GOOD REASON JUST BECAUSE YOUR PARENTS, BOYFRIEND, WIFE, BOSS, ETC. TELLS YOU YOU SHOULD
*FUCK NOT FOLLOWING YOUR DREAMS
*FUCK ALLOWING PEOPLE IN YOUR LIFE THAT CONSTANTLY DISAPPOINT YOU
*FUCK WAKING UP ONE MORE DAY IN A LIFE YOU HATE
*FUCK BEING IN A RELATIONSHIP THAT MAKES YOU MISERABLE
*FUCK HAVING FRIENDS THAT ARE DRAINING
*FUCK NOT TAKING TIME FOR YOURSELF
*FUCK WHAT YOUR NEIGHBORS THINK
*FUCK BEING SAD
*FUCK NOT GOING FOR IT
*FUCK ANYONE WHO TELLS YOU THAT YOU CAN’T
Some, but not all of the above apply to me but I wanted to at least get a short list down. I’m not sure if this fuck rant today will result in me just getting things off my chest to feel some relief or if it means I’ll be selling everything I own (which is not much thankfully) changing life all up again already after a huge recent change, or? What I do know for sure is that I am certain to follow wise words of one of those amazing people in my life; “Just keep swinging the bat Di- something will stick and you’ll know when it does”
I think there’s my answer- things just don’t feel like they’re sticking yet. 
Blue Lollipop Road:
I’m not on vacation. I live here. this is my reality. I am always happy to take advice, critique and hear the other side of anything and everything. I am completely open to everything and will stay that way. I am going to bust my ass every second it’s possible to be nice to strangers, be a hard worker, be unselfish, give back to the planet, love people, laugh and be happy doing exactly what feels right in my soul. If you try your damndest too, fit the previous line and are in that 20% of existence that is positive- please, please be in my life. I will fight for you. If you are naysayer, exist to be negative in the world, bring people down because your life sucks- just fuck off please. I don’t have time for your bullshit. I’m too busy being happy:)
Looks like I’m taking another swing.
Whew. That felt good.

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January 6, 2010 In Uncategorized

Flibbertiggibit

Are you kidding? This is a real word? 

I woke up on this abnormally frigid morning and while the temperature in my apartment cut me like a knife and my instinct was to frown- I couldn’t help but giggle as I rolled over and I saw this word of the day on my phone. 
Flibbertigibbet, noun:

A silly, flighty, or scatterbrained person, especially a pert young woman with such qualities.
FLIB-ur-tee-jib-it. hee hee…
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January 5, 2010 In Uncategorized

It’s OK To Say Fuck If You Need To

If you’re a regular follower or good friend, you probably read the eff-bomb rant I wrote and posted on Monday this week. I have almost 450 posts and have never deleted one, even when I have spilled my heart, ranted like a crazy person or babbled endlessly. I believe that you should own your thoughts and feelings and not regret them. If they are honest and truthful and for whatever reason someone can’t take it- oh well. If we all walked around all day trying to impress each other (oh wait, that’s right- a large percent of the population actually does that) we’d have heart attacks and croak by the age of 40. 

But? By Monday night my instinct told me to delete that specific post. From the blog anyway. I saved it for myself. It was much too important and powerful for me to delete for good. I saved it in an email. If anyone out there cares to read the Eff-bomb Rant of 2010- please let me know and I will happily email it to you. Even though I absolutely own every “fuck” I wrote in the post, for whatever reason it felt good enough for me to just have on here for one day and that’s it. 
You know, it never fails; every single time I write something here that might make me sound completely off my rocker, out-there, overly open, or offensive; PEOPLE COME OUT OF THE WORD WORK emailing, posting comments, calling me, etc. about themselves and their lives. It’s amazing. This tells me one thing and one thing only:
Every human walking this earth right now is holding something, holding back, not speaking up and every day it eats away a little piece of them. Most people hold this stuff in forever, some like me put it all out there on a daily basis with a kind of bizarre comfort that’s baffling and some just need one teeeeny crack in a door/opening somehow/somewhere and then they let it rip. 
I say let it rip. Stop letting it eat away at you. We will listen.
Since writing this blog, strangers have (unsolicited) shared more with me than they’ve probably ever shared with their siblings, parents, wives or friends. It has been completely unexpected and an absolutely incredible gift to me. If by instead of screaming, crying or punching someone, I can use my little laptop and something called a blog to help me not become that someone holding things back that would eventually pick pick pick and eat away my soul and somehow it awakens, helps, or gives one single person some relatability for breathing room and a feeling of normalcy in their life- maybe this is the only thing I was put on this planet to do. 
I’m good with that.
After reading my eff-bomb rant, one person who used to work for me wrote that she wanted me to know that I was an inspiration to her. (So awesome. Smiling. To think that no one is ever watching…) Another person, a gent who was married for many years, now separated with a child. He was in a marriage with a most selfish and unappreciative wife who still constantly yells at him in front of their child- finally stood up to his ex and essentially told her to shut up. After years of yelling. Because of me, or inspired by me? (Awesome times two. Smiling even bigger.)
Eff-bombs? Sometimes necessary. Honesty? Always necessary. 
Thanks C and G. Keep letting it rip.
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January 3, 2010 In Uncategorized

Recycle, Reduce, Reread

A couple of friends stopped by this morning and we got talking about books. I told them that I always write the place and date I start and finish a book on the inside cover. As I finish them (yes- sometimes it takes me a year, what can I say) I try to pass them on. We were laughing that books are one of those things that people “borrow” and never give back. Here’s an awesome way to not only share your books with others, but be green and make a little adventure scavenger hunt out of it. Go “hunting” at Book Crossing. This site lets you register a book to leave in a public a place in the city and state you’re in. Then others can find it, read it and pass it on again. How cool is that?

This is one of those; Damn, why didn’t I think of that kind of companies.
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